The Flake 99 is being peddled for £2.50 via an informal economy that defies logic, it has emerged.

Cornet syndicates have gone unnoticed until now because no one thought there was anything suspicious about being sold goods from a van which plays high-pitched renditions of Greensleeves to lure your children outside.

Chief Inspector Maud Scoop was alerted to the possibility of racketeering after she overheard an ice cream vendor stationed on Westminster Bridge ask for £2.50 for a Flake 99: ‘at that point I drew my firearm. Admittedly, I was a bit trigger happy and there were a lot of children around but £2.50 for an ice cream is a fucking joke and besides, most of those kids were foreign.’

We asked a vendor why he didn’t at least consider selling the ice-cream for a derivative of 99 pence in a vague effort to hide his con-artistry: ‘there is simply…

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